whisper voice

contented people all around me, my heart in the middle of them, still aching for some form of contentment...i've watched for years till now, to what seems like forever sometimes, and i still wonder how they can be so happy. i am not trying to seem dismal, i just don't get it. i mean, here i am, and there they are--so enjoying where they are in life, this normal life they live day in and day out, one i've even tried to live also, yet it seems i've always had this inner pull inside that tells me again and again, in it's rasping whisper of a voice, seeming so loud in my head at times it could have been shouted out at the top of healthy lungs..."Janina, there's more than this! Life is not meant to be lived so small..." whispers growing stonger and stronger every minute until i almost think i am going to go crazy! it calls and calls...it never goes away, never. it is always there. i don't mean to call the lives they are living small or insignificant by any means, and there are times where i get wrapped up in the moment of things as well, and for a short time don't really hear that calling whisper, but as soon as the din around me fades, there it is, remaining ever present, solid as steel (and how can a whisper seem so solid?) at any rate, the question i am asking tonight is one i've asked myself again and again: how is it that these around me never seem to hear the voice? ok, so maybe not the same voice as the one i hear, but at least a similar one i would think, coming from inside their heart; they seem just fine with the way things are! so much so that at times i deeply hunger to know what their secret is!! if only i, too, could live so in the moment that i have no desire to see anything altered--so loving what is happening in the here-and-now that i really don't want it to change, ever......yeah, "if only"...so what is my issue? IS it my issue? just this once i wish i wasn't asking some cyber black hole and that an answer or two would be ricocheted back to me! but it is like all the other times: i will click the "publish" button and send this out into the cyberland void, still wondering where i fit and what that "bigger thing" out there is that i am supposed to be doing...also still wondering whether that "bigger thing" may not be out there somewhere, but right under my nose...in the present here-and-now, where if i could only learn the contentment i see around me, i'd also know that happiness...and then maybe the voice would go away.